by Rachel

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songs from two years of staring at the moon



released November 29, 2016


huge thanks to Eric McNelis at Sleep Audio for all of our drum tracking

equally huge thanks to Bernie Delury for the album artwork

chris "cross"
bob (groth)
steve the snake
fast hands matty

all donations made for this album will go directly towards the creation of physical versions as well as various merchandise

honorable mention thanks: frank, jaydream, big starr, prisybha, donbone, yung aye, l e x i, monster matt, lambo, petey bari, danny ed m, 2mil, tempur pedic mattress co., jacq, aldi supermarkets, chocolate chip cookies, you, dungeons and dragons, our fams

mids thanks: tinder, hotline miami, hot yoshi, bowser

no thanks: shulk, breath (all kinds), martial arts (all kinds), chris christie

produced, mixed, and mastered by bob "yung groth" kessler



all rights reserved


Rachel New Jersey

outer-space alternative


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Track Name: MOON
drown me
i'm the cancer
our raging ocean of karma
our blood sinning
and with my last force of life, i'll pull us toward the bottom
i'm not swimming

the surface folds and we're way too stoned to argue
we swallow each other
i look up and straight at my moon
it's way too much and i di---------
white papers, folded into your pockets, encrypted with better futures
when they ball up in the wash, what becomes of the life that was promised to you?
does it drain out with the soap and water?
under houses, away until it splits across a filter?

are you waiting for your peace of mind to roll back with the tide?
you shouldn't have carved something into the shore you might forget
are you scared you're losing ground you won't be able to get back?
it comes back

are you drowning in the killing tide?
do you find yourself pressed for air?
swim to the surface of raging waters and get to the shore, but don't forget
where you were losing ground before, now you are getting it back
it all comes back

what are you waiting for?
Track Name: PARTY...!
takes more than good timing, to be honest
you're too caught up in the way you think this fixes
figure out how to take back every not-so-subtle front door brag
can't afford the life, it's too expensive
how much have you spent on pot and bedhead haircuts?
figure out how to take back all of the boring shit you sold me on

i'll suffer silently, because you don't believe me when i tell you i'm nervous
suffer silently and break for the door the second that i get the chance

i'm the bigger titan to your tyrant ;)
sifting through the rubble of your crashing market
figured out how to sell back every worthless little piece of trash
she's a fiber-optic hydra wire system and she's leaving you out, disconnected
figure out how to take back every word you used when you were smashed

and i'll suffer silently because you don't believe me when i'm shaking and nervous
suffer silently and break for the door the second that i get a fucking chance
Track Name: BOXING DAY
i've got the shit in my backpack and we feel unsafe
lights riding bicycles invading our dark space
in visions, we're eye to eye and both focused so well
i think it's you, collapsing in my arms, you melt

meet me in the backyard
you still love a ghost and we still smell the cigarettes she smokes on cool wind when i look up to your moon
and i pull you down to rust
if you let me know you too well, i could fucking hurt you
so bad

staring down at grass and broken glass, what a useless view
you're not from where i'm from but i know you
you're so soft on me, now
still so small to me, i can't believe

smoking on the back porch
inadequate, all too aware
you breathe it in like sulfur
it tastes like shit and i look to your moon
you're always changing size and when you are weak, i cry
if you let me know you too well, i could fucking hurt you
so bad

come out from underneath
you are terrified and too alive and i can see your teeth straight through your lips
your skin is drawn so thin and i will fucking hurt you, as soon as i can see your moon
we were stuck under a storm on your roof, caving in into your home, when you left me in the elevator to crash into your ground floor on my own

i woke up to the sunshine burning holes into my skin
clean away the sin from all the darkness i let in
your rail gun in the sky, that is my god
i remain on the surface, full of bullets

i heard you say, "heaven in a place and you can go"
i looked up from the endless mass
i was alone
i phased beneath the surface into darkness and the darkness turned to stone
there's always a cage
heaven is a place and you can go

i woke up to your eyes, two pillars straight through my skull
when you make the call, i eclipse and withdraw
your rail gun in the sky, my constant cursed satellite
so, lovely, am i your cancer?

i saw my wholesomeness returned from the viscera in the depths of a tidal wave
but i couldn't hear your voice, i could only see your face and, for me, that changes everything
what was going on?
i could only see your face, i couldn't hear your voice and, for me, that changes everything

you said you'd call when you got home late
i waited for hours, didn't hear a thing
you said you'd call when you got home late
the last thing i wanted was to be awake
Track Name: CT
how can you say you don't remember how it felt?
warm between your legs like tiny candle flames
you taste like november
it's the same dirt in our veins

i wanna see you in the face of my pain
beautiful, unchemical
i will tattoo flower petals from my ankles to my collarbones
and hope you see them soon
if and when you ct

i get sick and cold and dry and start to crack all over
oh, my god, i shake like you shook
but we forgot how it felt good

i watched you run from the face of my pain
so confused, unnatural
i will tattoo flower petals from my ankles to my collarbones
and hope you see them soon
hope that you are able to get me to drop that petty shit
decide i'll take it how you give it and ct

and i will wait for hours
sleep through days

i'll wait for you
i'll sleep through everything
i guess it's worth it to me
Track Name: WALK HOME
this is us on your front porch
the whole place smells like cigars and you are significantly less interesting than any given passing car
i'm sorry for the shit i put you through
like, i know that it hurts and that it will only get worse

but let's stop
think about ourselves for a second
picture our bodies apart from this, away from this, beyond this

i know it's bull shit, but it feels good and i will not deny myself something that i think i so wholly deserve
meet me on the curb when you know what you're worth

the spot where i fell asleep in my head
i hated you back then and i hated myself and i needed my friends
they know the way i can't sleep unless i'm alone
but you're always touching and pushing and pulling

ice out
come apart from this, away from this, beyond this
work hard to evaluate our bodies, our options, and our environment
Track Name: GAS GIANTS
karmic poison, as bitter as ever, in my mouth

we shake in cycles
each time, we come a little more toward the breakout

why is power given but not to me?
if i were as big as god, i'd murder the sky and rob the sea

i'm calm and i'm quiet so you won't believe that i shake when i hold shit
it's so hard to focus
i do believe that there is a moon buried inside the sun

cool it, you're baby
all carbon, all diamond
i bleed when i hold still
your matter is too real
i do believe that there is a moon buried inside the sun

giants, made of gas and titanium, are crawling to surface, to see this
their anguish incarnate
i do believe that there is a moon buried inside the sun

when i was barred out, i saw the grim reaper and he said, "don't go deeper"
how could i not, when, today, the ground shook?
Track Name: WATER
we made it ourselves, we spoke with our whole bodies
sitting with you, with everything we did
just stay on with me
i've known your love, in all of its power

but how did the sins of your grandfather become our subconscious?
centipedes enter underneath your skin through track marks

left you too sick
stale ghost inside the air conditioner
a dandelion trapped in motion
yet, all this time, you've been a tower

don't treat it like it's a vacation
this could be the realest place you ever go
don't treat it like you're on vacation
this shit could get you lower than the floor

so fall down to the goliaths of wickedness and i will love the part of you i know
or surround yourself and drown yourself in holiness
and breathe in the water

capricorn eyes watch from the wrong side
"you think it'd feel better to throw up?"
i don't know if or when or where you'll enter but enter only with no intention of exiting

it's too sick
the seasons change, and it brings me under
spring-time light muting winter colors
i'll write my name out on a thousand brown leaves and let the wind take a thousand parts of me

wind's picking up and it throws me around
baseball noises drowning tiny winter sounds
there are no boundaries, now my blood is caseless
we're losing our autonomy, stuck in these small spaces

oh, how close we must be now to the culmination
centuries of indecency and lovelessness
iron arms from underneath approach the surface
the ground is shaking at our feet
what the fuck do we do?
we will host the parasites and break ourselves down
leaving ego in the dirt
somehow, moving heavenward
i want that comfort from your voice
it is not the right sound
oh, my god, i can't believe we put such beautiful things underground

but dust in your hair is falling down to your cheekbones
and dust on your fingertips stuck to my teeth and to my tongue
we're so far gone

safe on your fire skin, my fingertips trace rivers of crimson blood from your neck down your arms
safe where we are, for now
i'm safe in my skin, right now
safe on your ice cold skin, my fingertips trace rivers of bold blue blood to your heart from your veins
safe where we are, for now
i feel safe in my skin, right now
safe on your shaking skin, my fingertips make letters of honesty all down your body
safe where we are, for now
i feel safe in my skin, right now
safe at each other's sides, my fingertips make terrible, loose braids in incredible hair
safe where we are, for now
i feel safe in my skin, right now

but when you come down, will it be okay?
will it still feel like the sound of your name?
and if i come up, will we be the same?
i could lose you inside of my brain.